if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
