I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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