new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i black out too much to be "responsible"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
