Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
