is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
