I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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