i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
