giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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