A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
