good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
