boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
