Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
