do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
