We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
