I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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