My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
