never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
