I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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