I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
