is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
