the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
These tits shall not be calmed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
