my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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