I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
