Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
