we have officially lost it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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