i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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