I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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