I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
