If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
