Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
