I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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