think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
