When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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