Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sext me about skeletons
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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