We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
