you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize