He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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