ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
