No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize