i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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