You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
