R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
