you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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