One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
