saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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