I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
