I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
