my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize