Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
