I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
