before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize