just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I see more hoeing in ur future
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