There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
