This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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