My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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