My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
