I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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