paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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