dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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