I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
