where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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