Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
