My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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