FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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