i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
