...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I believe in your delicious
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
