i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
