Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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