last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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