Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize