You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
