y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
