Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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