He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
