Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
