i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
