I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
