Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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