I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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