ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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