Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
