Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
