from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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