hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
