He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
