I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
