I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
