I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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