4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
