your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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