He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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