I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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