i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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