Your mouth is God's brothel.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
