Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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