look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
