she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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