Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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