There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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