My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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