I'm gonna have a badass scar
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
