we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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