i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
