My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
